Alcoholic Beverage Power Rankings

It's time to rank things! I love ranking things. These are some of my favorite drinks of all time and the logic behind it. Drink up. Ass...

It's time to rank things! I love ranking things. These are some of my favorite drinks of all time and the logic behind it. Drink up. Assuming you're all 21+. 


Elite Tier: Gin& Tonics , Gin Martinis, Gimlets

These are some classy drinks guys. Some are definitely an acquired taste. The first time my best friend and I went out to a bar together she asked me to order her a drink and wouldn't tell me what she wanted. She just said she wanted something that would get her drunk. Left to my devises I got her a gin & tonic, a very large gin and tonic. While it did it's job getting her drunk; every sip she took was followed by a look of complete distain, followed by comments such as, "are you trying to kill me, I hateeeee you". Oddly enough she ordered a second one that night and now orders them pretty regularly. 
I found squeezing the lime juice in/asking for extra limes can make the taste a bit more mild if you aren't in the mood for a strong G&T, or just want to sip it without getting drunk. Either way they are fantastic and can be consumed at a classy event, or just out at a bar with your friends. They are also the easiest drink to make at home, considering there are 3 components, gin, tonic, and lime. GENIUS. 
Gimlets and gin martinis are also HIGHLY alcoholic, HIGHLY. All these drinks say, "i'm going to turn up, but in the classiest way possible". Traditionally these drinks are made with gin, which is how I like to keep them. My favorite gin brands are Hendrick's and Beefeater, for tonic I typically just use Canada Dry when I make them myself. If you love the taste as I do you're especially fortunate because one drink will typically equal several other mixed drinks in terms of getting drunk. If you just want to enjoy the drink these are fantastic for that as well because they do take some time to finish, vs chugging down the delicious alcoholic lemonade. This can cut down on costs or encourage you to pace yourself, especially if you are at a work event. Again, it's a safe bet you can just stick with 1-2 at an event which is good to know. Enjoy!
Remember to watch yourself with these, these drinks are MOSTLY straight alcohol.  It's very easy to go from this:
To this:


Stay Classy guys, stay classy.


Top Tier: Old Fashioned , Long Islands /Greatful Dead, Margarita, Cosmos

They are tasty, relatively easy to make, and pretty alcoholic. While you can't drink all these at a super classy function, such as a work dinner, they are fantastic for going out with friends and having a great night! You can order these almost anywhere and have them stay relatively consistent. Whats not to love? I would stay away from a Cosmo in a more dive bar type location unless you are fine with basically getting a vodka cran. A lot goes into a Cosmo, just ask the ladies of Sex & The City. Margaritas and Long Island especially basically ensure that you and your friends will have a night to remember. Back in my home town there's a bar that hosts Long Island night. Some of the best nights have come out of Long Island night... These drinks are also the most likely to produce drunk eating, and who doesn't love that? Order on, channel your inner Carry, Don Drapper, party girl, whoever.



Mid Tier: Vodka Redbull, Sex on the Beach, Jack & Coke

While I love these, they have their disadvantages. A lot of the times these drinks are priced the same as the others and have far less alcohol, OR are overpriced. It can also be hit or miss depending on which bar you're at if they are actually going to taste good. If i'm ordering a Sex on the Beach i'm generally doing it because I like the taste, which sadly isn't always guarantied. With Vodka Redbull these are better made at home, places will often over charge for these, and skimp on the Vodka/Redbull or both. Most of these also get you judged by bartenders who think you're trying to be cute, or just think you're unexperienced in terms of ordering drinks. They are far better options, but on the flip side, they are relatively safe options, they won't be horrible and you generally know what you're getting. Drink on.


Lower Tier : Blended, Vodka, Vodka Cran, Mojito
Blended drinks contain so much sugar you are more likely to get sick from a glucose overdose than over consumption of alcohol. Don't get me wrong they are delicious, but they do me wrong every time. That brain-freeze though. Mojitos are terrible to make and ordering one will ensure the bartender will hate you for making them crush up leaves. Vodka Crans and Screwdrivers are screaming that you are stuck in high school. Or middle school. Whenever your parents first let you have a drink. Unless there is a special at a bar for these, not much reason for ordering one. Branch out, there are far better options that require more than 2 mixers and that you don't already have with breakfast. On another note, most of these barely contain alcohol. 



Honorable Mention: Jager Bombs, Amarado Sour, Straight Shots

..
...

Sh!t Tier: Appletini, Bloody Marys (when you aren't at a brunch), Chocolate Cocktails, Ordering a Beer


At the end of the day, these are just my opinions that i'm having fun with. Order whatever your potentially drunk heart desires and have fun. Drink responsibly



You Might Also Like

0 comments